If you just took away the sex impulse we would all get along fine.


The problem is this: within the context of our society, sex is not just sex. We have added on so much stuff beyond the physical act itself.

Essentially, within the context of a sexual relationship, a woman is looking for emotions. She wants fun, passion, excitement and romance, in the initial stages of a relationship. Beyond that, she wants strength and protection. Ultimately, beyond everything else, she wants love.

If we were to make a generalisation here, the man is expected to provide all of this, more or less.

And, in return, he gets sex and companionship. So long as he doesn’t mess around, obviously …

There are so many problems with this, where does one begin?

Okay, here are a few of them if you’re a women:

1) How can someone else give you fun and passion and strength and protection? They are your emotions. You, and no one else, create them. You, and no one else, are responsible for them.

2) If you need someone to give you fun and passion and strength and protection that means that, well, you must be dull and boring and weak and helpless.

Why else would you need all of that?

3) Every woman wants to feel attractive. But if you base your sense of attraction on the reaction of men, you may well be spending a lot of time crying with your girlfriends. Because there will always be someone younger and more pretty who will come along.

4) Yes, I know, you love having power and control over your man (and over men, where possible). You love the way he comes running to you like an obedient dog. Until you realise how weak he is. And how weak you are as a couple.

The more you assert your power and control over him, the weaker he is going to be.

Yes, I know, that’s why you have these little tests for him. To see how strong he is. But, recognise: if he is smart enough to pass your tests, he may well be passing the tests of plenty of other women too. Reassuring, eh?

If you are going to set up the context where artfulness and cunning is the key to success, don’t be surprised if that’s what you end up with.


And if you’re a man …

The whole game, ladies and gentlemen, is completely skewed. If he’s ‘lucky’, the man gets sex and companionship. What kind of return is that???

To put it very bluntly, I can get companionship from a dog. And, when it comes to sex, I can do it myself.

And, after this, I might just have to …


Ultimately, this shows that women are way smarter than men are. This isn’t some kind of politically correct suck up, either. It’s the fact that they have helped to facilitate the game in such a way that they determine who will be getting laid and when.

Because they know that men, generally speaking, are led by their penises. Simply put, the man, unless he is rich or famous or damn good at the game, has no choice but to go along with this.

But women aren’t as smart as they like to think. You aren’t! Because, in the context of this particular game, you are relying on the man to provide the strength and protection, the fun and the romance.

So, how you actually experience life depends on someone other than you.

And if you don’t meet ‘the one’, what are you going to do about this? Work harder to snare a man???

And remember, ladies, if the man feels trapped, that sure is going to be a happy and fulfilling relationship, isn’t it?

It is simply this, ladies: no man can fill all your needs. Five men can’t. Perhaps you need to start filling some of your needs, yourself.


“Yeah, but that’s easy for you to say. You’re a man. You don’t have to worry about having babies, and …”

Three words:



And, wait for it …


Years ago you might have a had a point. Today, you don’t. Whether you have a baby or not is not an obligation. It is, entirely, your choice.

“But abortion is wrong …”

No, it’s not.

Who knows, maybe abortion is a scared pact between woman and foetus.

Maybe, it is the recognition from the woman that she is not ready to be a mother. And, maybe, it is the recognition from the foetus that it not ready for the crazy challenge of joining our species.

Given the choice between returning to God and Heaven, imminently, or spending, maybe, 60 or 70 or 80 years suffering a miserable existence as a human being, what would you choose?


Look, let’s take morality out of this, shall we? It has screwed up the whole area of sex to the point that everyone is really screwed up about this. Which is not the purpose of, er, screwing

Very simply, it should not be the responsibility of one man, and one man alone, to support the mother and child. It should be the responsibility of the whole community to love and care for the mother and child. The father can play as much or as little of a role as he is capable of.

And, after giving birth, if the mother feels that she is incapable of raising the child properly, of giving it all the love and support it needs, then the whole community should be there to take care of the child. To give the child and the mother all the love and support they need.

No guilt, no shame, just what is in the best interests of mother, child and the whole community.

And, beyond that, as I’ve already said: contraception, adoption and abortion.

“But wouldn’t that lead to immorality? To irresponsibility?”

If the child got real love and support from the whole community, would the child not grow up to be more moral and more responsible?


But enough of this whole, really serious business of giving birth. Because sex is much, much more than that.

Sex, folks – as I say, it is all about emotions …

Note: I have no objection, whatsoever, to offering fun, passion, strength and love, as far as I can. Because, in so doing, I will be experiencing all of that for myself. That is incentive enough.

But I ain’t doing it … to get sex. No sir.

Why? Because having sex is my right. I shouldn’t have to earn it, as some kind of reward for ‘good behaviour’. And neither should anyone else.

Why? Because sex is the most natural thing in the world. We are meant to be having sex. If you don’t believe me, read the Bible: Be fruitful and multiply, it says very clearly.

Sex is fun. Sex is enjoyable. Sex is wonderful. For both sexes. We should be having sex for no other reason than it is fun, enjoyable and wonderful. With nothing whatsoever added on.

The trouble is that, as a society, we have so many hang-ups about sex. We have so many issues, individually and collectively.

And so, rather than having sex, we end up playing the game of sex. Where no one really wins.

Where, if you refuse to play the game (monks, nuns etc.) or, you are not very good at it, you are punished. By being deprived of the beautiful act that is sex.

Where, to counter this possibility, those who are most effective at the game are also the most manipulative and duplicitous.

If the sex drive wasn’t so powerful, we would reject this game out of hand.

“But that’s just the way it is …”

And 300 years ago, slavery was “just the way it is”.

Changing the whole way we relate to sex, might seem impossible. But I am going to demand it all the same. For all our sakes.

The first step is to recognise, “This is where we are at.”


The sex drive, in both sexes, is nothing less than a drive for validation, to somehow feel ‘okay’ within oneself, through the means of having sex with the ‘right’ person or people.

For the man, his entire ego is wrapped up in the search for as much sex as possible. The more ‘attractive’ his partner(s) are, the more of a boost this is to his pride and his machismo.

For the woman, it is more a case of ‘quality’ over ‘quantity’. But the same principle of finding the ‘right’ partner(s) applies. ‘Right’ equals, “He makes me feel good about myself.”

There are those men and women who don’t participate in this particular game, but that is not necessarily out of choice. They could have been forced out of the game at an early age, through pressure from their family or society to ‘marry off’.

Or there may simply be a sense of resignation at their inability to compete very effectively in what is a pretty harsh and unforgiving game. They may simply settle for pretty much anyone they can find.

And for those who do compete …

For the man, sex is a euphemism for dominance and conquest: a sign that you are ‘a winner’, because you are ‘getting yours’.

Sex and money are interchangeable in this regard.

Whereas for women, sex, ultimately, is a bargain-chip for provision and security – into their old age through the institution of marriage.

Sex and money are interchangeable in this regard.

Sex, quite simply, is the most powerful drive there is, the most powerful impulse there is: because it is an evolutionary drive and impulse at the very heart of our species: to pass on one’s genes; to reproduce to survive.

Drives and impulses which demonstrate that, truly, we are little more than animals. Little wonder then that religion has sought to control our sexual urges, instead of celebrating them as the very cause of our existence on the physical level …

I would argue that the true purpose of sex is the manifestation and expression of love and joy. That having sex whenever we want is our birthright. So we can experience how truly divine life is, as much as possible.

This may or may not be with one exclusive partner. That isn’t the issue. The issue is experiencing ourselves, through others, fully.

Simply put, until we have a revolution at the very heart of our species, where each and every one of us is liberated sexually, none of us will be truly free.

Note: this revolution will only happen when we get rid of all of our hang-ups, neurosis, anxieties and insecurities about sex, individually and collectively.

When we get to the stage where we do not actually need to have sex, but we are having it all the same.

Come on, everybody. Come on


I’m sure that some people will counter all of this by saying, “Yeah, but what about the animals? They’ve got exactly the same stuff when it comes to sex … power … dominance … territory … security … That’s just the way it is, being an animal …”

So that’s it? We are just animals???

You don’t aspire to very much, my friend.

The essential difference between us and the rest of the animal kingdom is the power of our minds. We have the power to shape and create our world as we see fit.

Maybe it’s time we started doing this.

Maybe it’s time we stepped out of the sexual trap, and took our first faltering steps to sexual freedom.


We live in a society which has traditionally shunned discussing sex. Because it is not polite conversation. Aka, “No sex please, we’re British”. Which is just another way of saying, “We are deeply ashamed and embarrassed about sex. Let’s just avoid facing up to this, shall we.”

We seem to have gone in the opposite direction, in recent times. Everyone seems to be obsessed with who is doing who. This isn’t any healthier. It is just another way of avoiding all the issues that you have about sex.

For a start, the fact that you want to be doing all those people you read about, but you can’t. And that whomever you are doing can never match up to this fantasy. That particular game leads to frustration and despair. Enjoy.


Of course, some people see the predicament they are in, sexually, and they try to abstain from the whole business of having sex.

Ultimately, though, you cannot escape from the reality that we are sexual beings. That it is our very nature to be sexual. Do you think that it is any coincidence that this is how babies are made? That the first thing they ask when you are born is, “What sex is it?”

We are sexual. We just are. You cannot deny or suppress your sexuality. That just perverts it. Just look at the Catholic Church, for proof of this.

And if you wonder why religion is the cause of so much war, there is your answer. War, through the guise of religion, is the perversion of sexuality on a mass scale. It is effectively saying, “Let’s screw everyone!”

This is how powerful sex is. This is how trapped we all are. The only way out, I think, is to express and manifest your sexuality for the purposes of spreading love and joy and, ultimately, oneness and unity with everything.

© Phillip A. Klein March 2008

Published in: on March 17, 2008 at 11:12 am  Comments (1)