How can you institutionalise love?


The trouble with marriage is that, to a large degree, it is mere expediency. It is an attempt – through the bulwark of society – to institute comfort and security while alleviating loneliness.

The problem is that these are human emotions – which are as transient as the sands. More so, that in wanting it so badly, it can just as easily take you away from what you desire as lead you to it.

There are some religious traditions and communities who rule out the possibility of divorce. And there are many within society who decry the fact that about half of marriages today end up in divorce. They think that if you get married it should really be for life.

Yes, and can there be anything more uncomfortable and insecure and lonely than having to spend the rest of your life with someone – who you realise after your wedding night – isn’t right for you?

And before anyone says, “Well, they should have chosen more carefully”, what, you don’t think they chose carefully? You don’t think the choice of whether to get married or not tormented their every waking hour?

It is often only once people get married that they show their partner what they are really like. As they can’t run away quite so easily now …

Until then, until the deed is actually done, and the deal is actually sealed, you cannot know, for sure, whether or not it’s right.


If two people are committed enough to one other, they don’t need a piece of paper to affirm that commitment. And, if they are not committed enough to one other, no piece of paper is going to save their relationship.

“But you don’t get it, Phil. It’s all about that one ‘special’ day …” And once it’s over, what then?


It is interesting how Christians extol the virtues of marriage. But if marriage is so great, why didn’t Jesus do it?


Marriage, as an institution, is good for one thing and one thing only: your growth and development as an individual in companionship with another. Through marriage, each and every one of your faults will be brought to the surface, sooner or later, giving you the opportunity to redeem each and every one of them.

If you haven’t the awareness or the maturity to deal with this – good luck!

© Phillip A. Klein March 2008

Published in: on March 17, 2008 at 12:04 am  Leave a Comment